A Sense of Belonging
Abraham Maslow wrote, “One can choose to go back to safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
Who steps forward into growth with you? Who do you trust to take that journey with you? You do not have to go it alone.
As human beings, we crave connection and a sense of belonging. We have a strong need for affiliation with like-minded, similarly situated people. As business executives/owners our circle(s) of connection can be both wide and constricted at the same time. Contradictory? Not at all.
Our circles are varied – employees, vendors, customers, accountants, attorneys, friends, family – and sometimes deep, with many levels of connection. Yet, those same circles can be limiting or constricting in that often one needs both the comfort and security of confidentiality and impartiality. You simply cannot go and ask difficult/important questions to ‘just anyone.’
Joining a peer group can be an excellent way to satisfy this need, but it seems the very people who need a peer group the most are the ones pushing back. Here’s what I sense (mostly sense, in that these seem not to be mentioned out load):
A fear of rejection – “Will I fit in?”
A lack of confidence – “Am I or my organization good enough?”
A lack of time – “I don’t have time.”
A lack of knowledge – “Not sure what peer groups are about.”
One of the most common barriers to joining a peer group is the fear of rejection. We all want to be accepted and valued by others, and the thought of being rejected can be terrifying. Counter: Rejection is a normal part of life, especially as a business owner/entrepreneur and rejection doesn't define who we are as individuals. The key is to not let fear hold us back from pursuing our goals and desires, surround yourself with people who care.
I see another barrier to joining a peer group being a lack of confidence. It's easy to feel intimidated by others who seem more successful or accomplished than we are. Counter: It's important to remember that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and we all have something valuable to contribute. The variety of organizations and leaders around the table only adds value to the peer group experience. Several of my members have used their peer group to test ideas before bringing them to staff/Board. Building our self-confidence can help us feel more comfortable and confident in social situations.
Often business owners cite time constraints as a barrier to joining a peer group; “I’m swamped now, why should I add more demands?” Looking at it this way, e.g., that there is only so much time, the point is well-taken. Between work, family, and other obligations, it can be challenging to find the time to attend meetings or events. Counter: Remember that investing in our business and social connections can have a positive impact on our overall well-being; relationships are built in trusted groups. Further, peer groups meetings and the individual coaching account for, on average, less than five percent (5%) of one’s time – working on your business, not in it.
Finally, a simple lack of knowledge about peer groups can also be a barrier. People may not know where to find groups that align with their interests or may be unsure of what to expect from a peer group. Counter: In most geographical areas there are many resources available online and in-person that can help people find and join peer groups. Doing some research and reaching out to others can help us overcome this barrier. Experience a peer group. In the past, my experience has been that members stay, on average, five and ½ years with their group thus validating the value received and the relationships built.
In conclusion, joining a peer group can be a great way to connect with others, learn new skills, and achieve your goals. By overcoming your fears, building your confidence, making time for professional and social activities, and seeking out knowledge, we can break down these barriers and enjoy the many benefits of belonging to a peer group. You won’t know until you let your guard down and experience it.
